


The Homohunters

by unitedstony



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec comes out, Bisexual Male Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Clizzy - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Gay Male Character, Luke is there too, M/M, Malec, Pansexual Simon Lewis, Shadowhunters - Freeform, Show!Alec, Show!Clary, Show!Jace, Show!Magnus, Show!izzy, Show!luke, Show!maia, Show!simon, The gang fucks shit up, groupchat, jimon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2018-12-20 16:06:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 5,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11924418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unitedstony/pseuds/unitedstony
Summary: Basically just a shitty groupchat fic with the shadowhunters characters. (I own none of the characters, all rights go to Cassandra Clare). Written with the characters from the sh-show in mind. I got bored and we've been on the hiatus for like 2 weeks.





	1. Chapter 1

_**JaceH created a groupchat**_  
  
**AlecL** : jace wyd  
  
**ClaryF** : yea jace tf we're all sitting in the same room  
  
**MagnusBane** : I'm not but ok  
  
**AlecL** : what's magnus doing here  
  
**MagnusBane** : hi babe  
  
**AlecL** : ????  
  
**JaceH** : I added him bc hes gr8  
  
**AlecL** _:_ ok cool  
  
**MagnusBane** : ;)  
  
**AlecL** : i  
  
**JaceH** : but okay I made this gc BECAUSE I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING  
  
**JaceH** : *drum roll*  
  
**SimonL** : you're gay  
  
**JaceH** : what nO  
  
**JaceH** : well i mean yea I'm bi but??? that was not my announcement

 **MagnusBane** : you're finally leaving the institute  
  
**JaceH** : nO wh  
  
**MagnusBane** : sad  
  
**JaceH** : magnus shut the hell up  
  
**AlecL** : jace watch your tone  
  
**ClaryF** : AW cute alec protects his bf  
  
**AlecL** : he's not my boyfriend  
  
**AlecL** : and I am straight ?¿  
  
**JaceH** : alec you cant even walk in a straight line  
  
**SimonL** : true  
  
**AlecL** : ugh  
  
**IzzyL** : also you told me that magnus's eyes were "like those of a god"  
  
**AlecL** : IZZY  
  
**MagnusBane** : (;  
  
**AlecL** : gotta gay  
  
**AlecL** : I MEANT GO  
  
**AlecL** has left the conversation.  
  
**ClaryF** : gr8 guys i just heard alec scream  
  
**MagnusBane** : hmm id like to hear him scream too  
  
**ClaryF** : magnus shnsddjjd  
  
**ClaryF** : but no for real I can hear him scold and cry?  
  
**JaceH** : oh shit hold on a second.  
  
-  
  
Jace tossed his phone to the side and walked to Alec's room. He knocked on the door twice and when he still didn't hear an answer, he just walked in. He saw Alec sitting on the  bed, his hands in his hair.  
  
"Hey, bro. What's wrong?", he asked him.  
  
Alec turned his  head to Jace, his eyes were a bit read, from crying.  
  
"That groupchat.", he finally answered. Jace raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Hey, c'mon man. It's just a joke, okay? They tease me like that every day since I came out. I know you're not gay, okay?", Jace smiled.  
  
"No, that's the point. Jace... I _am_ gay.", Alec sighed.  
  
"You are? Well. That's okay. I mean, I'm also not straight, so I don't mind. But why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"Because I was scared. Not only for your reaction, but for everyone else's. Especially mom and dad's. You know how they are. I just... I don't want to disappoint them."  
  
"Hey, big bro. Look at me. You will never disappoint them. And even if they don't react great, we're still here for you. We all support and love you. Okay?", Jace smiled and  pulled Alec in for  a hug.   
  
"Thank you, my parabatai. That means a lot  to me."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec has something to say

_**JaceH** added **AlecL** to the groupchat_  
  
**AlecL** : okay im back  
  
**ClaryF** : are you ok alec?  
  
**SimonL** : everything okay?  
  
**MagnusBane** : you ok alexander?  
  
**AlecL** : yeah dw about it  
  
**AlecL** : i may have overreacted  
  
**JaceH** : and,,,,,  
  
**AlecL** : sigh  
  
**JaceH** : :))))))  
  
**SimonL** : whAt?  
  
**AlecL** : ugh hzbshs  
  
**JaceH** : cmon _alexander_  
  
**AlecL** : dont call me that  
  
**JaceH** : but magnus did it too?¿  
  
**AlecL** : yeah but eh  
  
**AlecL** : youre not allowed to call me that  
  
**JaceH** : but magnus is?  
  
**AlecL** : uhM maybe  
  
**JaceH** : interesting  
  
**JaceH** : anyway  
  
**JaceH** : alec has an announcement  
  
**SimonL** : ohh nice  
  
**SimonL** : are you finally gonna tell us it was you that screamed when we saw that spider in clarys room  
  
**AlecL** : what no  
  
**AlecL** : that was jace?  
  
**JaceH** : no it wasnt  
  
**AlecL** : ugh whatever  
  
**ClaryF** : are you pregnant??  
  
**AlecL** : no Clary what  
  
**ClaryF** : :(  
  
**IzzyL** : did you flush my make-up through the toilet  
  
**AlecL** : uh maybe yes but thats not the point  
  
**ClaryF** : its true i was there  
  
**IzzyL** : I KNEW IT FUCK  
  
**AlecL** : IM SORRY OK IT WAS AN ACCIDENT  
  
**JaceH** : how do you accidentally flush make up through a toilet  
  
**ClaryF** : he was drunk and wanted to clean up the bathroom so he flushed everything he found on the sink, then he started to cry  
  
**ClaryF** : he also almost showered in his clothes  
  
**ClaryF** : i tried to stop him but he threatened me with a frying pan he stole from a restaurant  
  
**JaceH** : HDHSHSBS  
  
**AlecL** : shut it, fray  
  
**AlecL** : but AGAIN not what i was gonna announce  
  
**MagnusBane** : OH I KNOW IT  
  
**MagnusBane** : YOU FINALLY GOT A GIRL AS YOUR DATE  
  
**AlecL** : lol what is a girl  
  
**JaceH** : mood  
  
**MagnusBane** : OR YOURE FINALLY GONNA LET A BEARD GROW  
  
**AlecL** : the announcement is  
  
**MagnusBane** : OR BOTH  
  
**AlecL** : that actually  
  
**MagnusBane** : WOW YOUR DATE IS GONNA BE SO LUCKY WTF  
  
**AlecL** : i, alec gideon lightwood  
  
**MagnusBane** : IMAGINE DATING THE ALEXANDER LIGHTWOOD IM ON THE FLOOR  
  
**AlecL** : am very  
  
**AlecL** : very  
  
**MagnusBane** : HOT?  
  
**AlecL** : _gay_  
  
**MagnusBane** : oH  
  
**MagnusBane** : thank the lord  
  
**AlecL** : why???  
  
**MagnusBane** : bcs you are god himself  
  
**AlecL** : shhdhssns iam not  
  
**MagnusBane** : yea you are damn  
  
**AlecL** : i  
  
**AlecL** : thanks??  
  
**IzzyL** : yo alec i am very proud of you  
  
**IzzyL** : welcome to the gay squad  
  
**ClaryF** : same here, very proud  
  
**SimonL** : me too  
  
**LukeG** : me too  
  
**ClaryF** : luke wyd in this gc  
  
**LukeG** : i have no clue  
  
**AlecL** : uh hi luke

 **AlecL** : just dont add my parents lol

  
**LukeG** : i wont  
  
**AlecL** : *relieved gay sigh*  
  
**JaceH** : i left for 2 seconds and i missed alecs coming out story  
  
**AlecL** : you already knew  
  
**JaceH** : yeah but still

 **AlecL** : what were you even doing anyway

 **SimonL** : me

 **AlecL** : WHATSGDHDH

 **AlecL** : did the vampire tell me he was proud of me while being FUCKED by my brother 

 **JaceH** : he has a name alec

 **AlecL** : idc I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE

 **JaceH** : its just sex alec

 **AlecL** : i am a CHILD OF GOD

 **JaceH** : yea sure

 **IzzyL** : lol funny

 **ClaryF** : lmao what

 **SimonL** : hahahahhaa right

  
**AlecL** : ugh anyways I'm gonna train bye  
  
**ClaryF** : dont you mean *anygays  
  
_**AlecL** has blocked **ClaryF** from the groupchat_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) 
> 
> Well Alec finally did it guys 
> 
> So proud of my archer boy :')


	3. Chapter 3

_**IzzyL** has added **ClaryF** to the groupchat_  
  
**ClaryF** : the amount of disrespect  
  
**IzzyL** : ikr babe its sad  
  
**AlecL** : i had to remove u ok  
  
**ClaryF** : WHY  
  
**AlecL** : bcs your puns SUCK  
  
**ClaryF** : YOU SUCK  
  
**SimonL** : dick  
  
**JaceH** : yea he probably does  
  
**AlecL** : J A C E  
  
**JaceH** : :)  
  
**MagnusBane** : yo folks  
  
**MagnusBane** : im throwing a party tomorrow  
  
**MagnusBane** : yall are invited  
  
**JaceH** : nice  
  
**IzzyL** : & ill help magnus with the food  
  
**JaceH** : i suddenly cant go  
  
**ClaryF** : same here  
  
**SimonL** : i drink blood oops   
  
**IzzyL** : yall SUCK  
  
**AlecL** : ill be there iz  
  
**IzzyL** : AWWW  
  
**IzzyL** : thanks brother  
  
**IzzyL** : it touches me in many ways to know that you will come to Magnus's house just for me  
  
**AlecL** : yea just for u .. heheh  
  
**IzzyL** : oh wait  
  
**IzzyL** : youre going FOR MAGNUP  
  
**SimonL** : magnup  
  
**JaceH** : magnup  
  
**ClaryF** : magnup  
  
**LukeG** : magnup  
  
**MagnusBane** : magnup  
  
**AlecL** : magnup  
  
**AlecL** : BUT NO IM GOING FOR U OK IZZY  
  
**AlecL** : and maybe a TINY little bit for magnus  
  
**AlecL** : but eh ill bring my own food  
  
**IzzyL** : whY  
  
**AlecL** : bcs im too young to die from food poisoning  
  
**IzzyL** : FUCK YALL  
  
**JaceH** : im sorry iz but he has a point  
  
**JaceH** : your cooking sucks  
  
**LukeG** : rt  
  
**AlecL** : rt  
  
**MagnusBane** : rt  
  
**SimonL** : rt  
  
**ClaryF** : rt  
  
**IzzyL** : CLARY  
  
**IzzyL** : you betrayed me  
  
**IzzyL** : no more kisses for u  
  
**ClaryF** : FUCK YOU  
  
**IzzyL** : no youre also not allowed to do that anymore  
  
**ClaryF** : USBSHSN  
  
**AlecL** : i sometimes wish i could just shove this phone down my throat and suffocate to death  
  
**ClaryF** : rt  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What'd you think of the chapter? 
> 
> Also Alec is me
> 
> My Twitter: @mattlightwd


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec gets drunk

**IzzyL** : hello folks it is i  
  
**JaceH** : yo  
  
**SimonL** : hi  
  
**IzzyL** : so im at the 'party' at magnus's  
  
**IzzyL** : and me and alec are literally the only ones here :')  
  
**JaceH** : omg  
  
**Simon** : lol  
  
**IzzyL** : and alec is drunk as fUCK  
  
**JaceH** : OHMYGOD DRUNK ALEC IS THE BEST ALEC  
  
**SimonL** : rt  
  
**ClaryF** : ohmygod izzy dont make him do things he'll regret  
  
**IzzyL** : well  
  
**IzzyL** : that might be a bit too late  
  
**JaceH** : what'd he do  
  
**IzzyL** : he uh  
  
**IzzyL** : he basically asked magnus to kiss him  
  
**IzzyL** : and he asked him  
  
**IzzyL** : if he wanted to see if his  
  
**IzzyL** : and i repeat  
  
**IzzyL** : "wood was light"  
  
**JaceH** : im getting second hand embarrassment  
  
**ClaryF** : IM FUCKING DEAD  
  
**SimonL** : he's gonna be sO MAD AT YOU TOMORROW IZ  
  
**IzzyL** : yeah ik but it was worth it anyway  
  
**ClaryF** : what did magnus do  
  
**IzzyL** : not much  
  
**IzzyL** : after that alec fell asleep  
  
**ClaryF** : ohmyshdnnd  
  
**IzzyL** : on magnus  
  
**JaceH** : pics or it didnt happen  
  
_**IzzyL** sent a picture to **The Homohunters** groupchat_  
  
**ClaryF** : AWWWW  
  
**JaceH** : yall mind if i scream  
  
**SimonL** : why did jace just scream  
  
**SimonL** : oh nvm HSGSGSG thats CUTE  
  
_**ClaryF** changed the group photo_  
  
**IzzyL** : babe dhdhdd alecs gonna kill you when he wakes up  
  
**ClaryF** : worth it  
  
**JaceH** : yeah true  
  
**IzzyL** : magnus is just SITTING there  
  
**IzzyL** : with a drunk and sleepy alec on him  
  
**MagnusBane** : life is good  
  
**IzzyL** : dont wake him up pls this is adorable ok  
  
**MagnusBane** : im trying but i mean  
  
**MagnusBane** : THE Alexander Lightwood is sleeping on me  
  
**MagnusBane** : THE GODS HAVE BEEN SO GOOD TO ME TODAY  
  
**MagnusBane** : AHSBDHSYSBSJS  
  
**IzzyL** : magnus DONT SCREAM YOULL WAKE HIM UP  
  
**MagnusBane** : i bet he will get all flushed and start stuttering when he wakes up

 **IzzyL** : probably 

  
**JaceH** : ^  
  
**SimonL** : ^  
  
**ClaryF** : ^  
  
**LukeG** : ^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Im getting second hand embarrassment"  
> "Yall mind if i scream" and magnus screaming about alec are all real life quotes 
> 
>  
> 
> (Twitter: @mattlightwd)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus confronts Alec about his drunk actions

**AlecL** : i hate everyone  
  
**JaceH** : good morning to you too  
  
**AlecL** : i have A HEADACHE  
  
**AlecL** : everything HURTS  
  
**AlecL** : and i woke up ON THE FLOOR  
  
**MagnusBane** : no actually you woke up on me, screamed, and then you fell to the floor  
  
**AlecL** : dont expose me like this  
  
**MagnusBane** : oops  
  
**SimonL** : hi  
  
**JaceH** : simon put your phone away and come back to bed  
  
**AlecL** : yikes jimon is having morning sex  
  
**MagnusBane** : alec put your phone away and come back to bed  
  
**AlecL** : i  
  
**AlecL** : uh i need to get back to the institute  
  
**Magnus** : ughhhh  
  
**Magnus** : wait  
  
**MagnusBane** : you have no idea do you  
  
**AlecL** : no idea of what  
  
**MagnusBane** : scroll back up in the gc  
  
**AlecL** : fine  
  
**AlecL** : HOLY FUCKING FUCJSHIT  
  
**AlecL** : IZZY  
  
**IzzyL** : it wasnt me hi  
  
**AlecL** : yes it was FUC,K  
  
**AlecL** : FUCK tHE GROUP PHOTO iS ME SLEEPING ON MAGNUS  
  
**MagnusBane** : youre so slow alexander its sad  
  
**AlecL** : hsbdhssbsb did i really say all that stuff  
  
**MagnusBane** : ,,,,yes  
  
_**AlecL** has left the conversation_  
  
**IzzyL** : not again  
  
**IzzyL** : fjdjdnd getting alec drunk was one of my worst ideas  
  
**MagnusBane** : dont you mean *best  
  
**IzzyL** : true  
  
**IzzyL** : is alec still at your place tho?  
  
**MagnusBane** : yes  
  
**IzzyL** : why did he even leave the gc  
  
**MagnusBane** : dramatic effect?  
  
**IzzyL** : possible  
  
**MagnusBane** : ill check up on him okay  
  
**IzzyL** : thanks magnus  
  
**MagnusBane** : xoxo  
  
-  
  
Magnus walked to the bathroom. He heard Alec put all his stuff together. He opened the door and Alec turned around. And _f u c k._  
   
Alec was standing in his nothing but his boxers.  
  
"Uh.. can't you.. knock?", Alec stuttered and his face went beet red.  
  
"Im sorry, Alexander. I should..", Magnus knew he had to tear his eyes from Alecs beautiful chest, and his abs and _damn_.. but he physically just couldn't bring himself to do so and if Alec hadn't coughed rather loudly, Magnus would've still stood there like that.  
  
"Uh, I meant.. I.. I wanted to talk to you, Alexander", he said.  
  
Alec raised an eyebrow, "why?"  
  
"Because of what you said when you were drunk.", Magnus answered. Alec sighed and his face got a bit more red, if that was even possible.  
  
"I... I'm s-sorry Magnus.. please just.. forget about it? Okay? It was stupid..", Alec said sadly.  
  
"Forget about it?", Magnus asked, dissapointed.  
  
Alec stayed quiet.  
  
"But what if I don't want to forget about it?", Magnus said. Alec looked surprised. He clearly hadn't expected this. Magnus showing interest in _him_ , Alec Lightwood, who was never enough according to his parents.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Alec, you have no idea how much I like you.", Magnus smiled.  
  
"You... what?", Alec looked so taken aback and it was sad, because Magnus could see how Alec was used to being a second choice, being silver when all everyone ever wanted was gold. But silver was a rarer metal than gold.  
  
And Magnus knew that.  
  
"Youre worth so much more than you think, Alexander."  
  
He stepped closer and took Alecs hand. He looked him in his beautiful, hazel eyes and smiled. He pulled him closer and pressed his lips to the soft ones of the Shadowhunter. His hands slid to his waist and Alecs hands were in Magnus's hair. The kiss was soft, beautiful and it wad Alecs first kiss and the boy couldn't have been happier in that moment.  
  
"What just happened?", Alec said, he looked surprised but happy and his eyes were still on Magnus's lips. He looked up to Magnus's beautiful face.  
  
"I don't know. But it was something good."  
  
"That may be an understatement.", Alec laughed.  
  
Magnus laughed too. "Yes, indeed. It was  amazing."  
  
"What'd you think of it if we went to do something together one time?", Magnus continued.  
  
"Are you asking me on a date?", Alec said.  
  
"Uh, _maybe_.", Magnus smiled.  
  
"Sounds great. I'd love to go on a date with you."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My 1st attempt on actually writing sone Malec
> 
> And a slight larry reference if you caught it
> 
> If there are any grammatical mistakes, you can always tell me. Im not a native English speaker.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang loses their shit over malec part I

**AlecL** : LIFE IS GOOD  
  
**SimonL** : character development  
  
**AlecL** : don't ruin my amazing mood, vampire  
  
**SimonL** : I HAVE A NAME  
  
**AlecL** : sure sarah  
  
**MagnusBane** : hi sheldon   
  
**SimonL** : its SIMON  
  
**MagnusBane** : uh sure Samantha   
  
**SimonL** : im gonna fling myself off the nearest bridge   
  
**AlecL** : finally   
  
**JaceH** : alec don't be so RUDE to my boyfriend  
  
**JaceH** : im also not hating on yours   
  
**AlecL** : i don't have a boyfriend  
  
**MagnusBane** : not yet   
  
**MagnusBane** : but maybe after tomorrow   
  
**AlecL** : magnus shhh   
  
**JaceH** : ??  
  
**MagnusBane** : oh shit  
  
**JaceH** : WHAT DO YOU MEAN TOMORROW WHAT IS TOMORROW   
  
**AlecL** : your funeral   
  
**MagnusBane** : Alexander darling   
  
**MagnusBane** : _chill_   
  
**JaceH** : d a r l i n g  
  
**ClaryF** : DARLING  
  
**IzzyL** : d  
  
**IzzyL** : a  
  
**IzzyL** : r  
  
**IzzyL** : l  
  
**IzzyL** : i  
  
**IzzyL** : n  
  
**IzzyL** : g  
  
**SimonL** : d.a.r.l.i.n.g  
  
**JaceH** : I SHIP IT  
  
**SimonL** : SAME WTF SHSBSHDHD  
  
**ClaryF** : MALEC IS REAL  
  
**JaceH** : Malec?  
  
**IzzyL** : their shipname i think  
  
**ClaryF** : yes!!!   
  
**ClaryF** : i ship it  
  
**JaceH** : WE ALL DO  
  
**LukeG** : true  
  
**SimonL** : MALEC IS ENDGAME  
  
**AlecL** : i crave the sweet release of death  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo guys, i just realised this hit more than 1k and i just wanna thank y'all for being so supportive. This whole fic started because i was bored as fuck and i didnt expect it to be read by so many ppl and idk its really sweet sjdndn so thank you!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang loses their shit over malec part II

**JaceH** : guys guESS WHAT

**SimonL** : what  
  
**IzzyL** : what  
  
**ClaryF** : what  
  
**MaiaR** : what  
  
**MaiaR** : wow this sounds like the beginning of a macklemore song  
  
**ClaryF** : maia i didnt know u were here  
  
**MaiaR** : honestly i had this convo on mute since it was created  
  
**ClaryF** : understandable  
  
**JaceH** : rude  
  
**JaceH** : BUT GUESS WHAT  
  
**JaceH** : MAGNUS BANE JUST CAME INTO THE INSTITUTE  
  
**IzzyL** : OHMYGOD  
  
**IzzyL** : KEEP US UPDATED  
  
**JaceH** : OKAY SO HE JUST WENT TO ALECS ROOM???  
  
**JaceH** : OK HE KNOCKED  ON HIS DOOR  
  
**IzzyL** : oHMYGOD IS HE OPENING  
  
**JaceH** : YEAH HE JUST DID  
  
**JaceH** : HES ??? IDK I CAN'T SEE BUT I THINK HE'S BLUSHING  
  
**JaceH** : YUP HE DEFINITELY IS  
  
**JaceH** : OKAY MAGNUS IS ASKING HIM SOME SHIT IDK  
  
**JaceH** : OKAY IDK WHAT HAPPENED BUT ALEC IS EVEN MORE FLUSHED IM DEAD  
  
**SimonL** : this is so intense  
  
**JaceH** : MAGNUS LAUGHED AND ALEC LOOKS EMBARRASSED  
  
**IzzyL** : he probably pulled a classic alec move  
  
**SimonL** : like what  
  
**IzzyL** : like accidentally declaring his love or proposing to him  
  
**IzzyL** : or asking magnus if he wants kids  
  
**IzzyL** : id see him capable of something like that

**Izzy** : he once told me he was having a convo with  magnus and mags asked him how he was doing

**Izzy** : he couldnt decide whether to answer "great" or "okay"

**IzzyL** : he ended up saying "gay"

**SimonL** : IM _YELLING_  
  
**JaceH** : OKAY IDK MAGNUS JUST WALKED AWAY AS ALEC WAVED AT HIM

**SimonL** : OH RIGHT THE  MALEC STORY

**SimonL** : i almost forgot about  it bcs of izzys story   
  
**JaceH** : OH NO WAIT MAGNUS CAME BACK  
  
**JaceH** : I HEARD HIM YELL  
  
**JaceH** : "I FORGOT SOMETHING"  
  
**IzzyL** : whatd he forget???  
  
**JaceH** : HE JUST RETURNED AND KISSED ALEC SJSBDHHDBDBDBDBSNSHSB  
  
**JaceH** : *video attached*  
  
**IzzyL** : HALLELUJAH  
  
**ClaryF** : PRAISE THE LORD  
  
**SimonL** : FFFUCK  
  
**LukeG** : thats gay  
  
**ClaryF** : luke you always appear out of nowhere  
  
**LukeG** : oops  
  
**JaceH** : HE CLOSED HIS DOOR BTW GUYS HE WILL BE BACK HERE SOON  
  
**JaceH** : talk about something else so he doesnt get suspicious  
  
**SimonL** : okay um  
  
**SimonL** : whats your opinion on dicks  
  
**IzzyL** : simon what the fUCK  
  
**JaceH** : i like them  
  
**JaceH** : especially yours  
  
**JaceH** : its very nice  
  
**MaiaR** : i KNEW there was a reason i had this chat muted  
  
**SimonL** : FUCK I MEANT TO TYPE DUCKS

JaceH: oh wow thats awkward  
  
**JaceH** : BESIDES why would you want to talk about THE  DEVIL HIMSELF  
  
**SimonL** : jace theyre just ducks  
  
**JaceH** : theyre SATAN  
  
**SimonL** : jace you literally slay demons how are you afraid of ducks  
  
**SimonL** : *picture attached*  
  
**SimonL** : look how cute

**LukeG** : i think you just made a terrible mistake  
  
**IzzyL** : i just heard jace scream  
  
**ClaryF** : i think he threw his phone away  
  
**SimonL** : why am i dating him again  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, i am jace
> 
> "I had this convo on mute since it was created" and "this is so intense"are irl quotes
> 
> Twitter: @mattlightwd


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aka the chapter where they all confirm their sexualities

**AlecL** : Hi babe  
  
**MagnusBane** : Hii, Alexander   
  
**AlecL** : i miss you   
  
**MagnusBane** : miss you too, darling  
  
**AlecL** : i wish you were here with me!!  
  
**AlecL** : *picture attached*  
  
**AlecL** : ;)  
  
**JaceH** : MY EYES ARE BURNING  
  
**JaceH** : WHAT THE FUVK  
  
**JaceH** : ALEC WHY  
  
**JaceH** : I DIDNT HAVE TO SEE THAT  
  
**AlecL** : FUCJSNJ  
  
**AlecL** : I THOUGHT THIS  WAS A PRIVATE CHAT  
  
**AlecL** : MAGNUS WHY DIDNT YOU WARN ME  
  
**MagnusBane** : I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE GONNA SEND THAT I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST GONNA BE ALL FLUFFY AND STUFF  
  
**MagnusBane** : BUT DAMN BABE  
  
**AlecL** : OHMY FUCKING GOD  
  
**AlecL** : JACE REMOVE THAT  FROM YOUR MEMORY PLEASE  
  
**JaceH** : im trying to but I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE  
  
**AlecL** : i wish i could die  
  
**JaceH** : same here  
  
**ClaryF** : what is going on  
  
**ClaryF** : i shouldnt have scrolled all the way up  
  
**ClaryF** : i am a tiny lesbian i didn't deserve to see that  
  
**RaphaelS** : i am a tiny asexual i didn't deserve this  
  
**SimonL** : even though i am pan i still didn't  deserve to see this  
  
**IzzyL** : i am speaking on behalf of the bi community and we also didn't deserve this  
  
**JaceH** : ^  
  
**MaiaR** : ^  
  
**MagnusBane** : uh excuse u  
  
**MagnusBane** : I AM speaking on behalf of the bi community and we sure as hell deserved to be blessed like this  
  
**JaceH** : uh  
  
**IzzyL** : nope  
  
**MagnusBane** : gays lets be honest  
  
**MagnusBane** : its not a bad dick  
  
**JaceH** : dont you mean *guys  
  
**MagnusBane** : did i stutter

 **JaceH** : BTW MAGNUS HE IS MY BROTHER ITS WEIRD AS FUCK??? EVEN IF HE HAS A FINE DICK I STILL DIDNT NEED TO SEE IT???  
  
**JaceH** : also ofc you love his dick you basically fuck him every two days  
  
**MagnusBane** : *every day  
  
**ClaryF** : ALRIGHT ENOUGH  
  
**ClaryF** : can we pLEASE TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE THAN DICKS  
  
**IzzyL** : boobs?  
  
**ClaryF** : yES PLEASE  
  
**JaceH** : yea  
  
**SimonL** : yeee  
  
**MagnusBane** : ok fine  
  
**MaiaR** : sure  
  
**AlecL** : no!  
  
_**AlecL** has left the conversation_  
  
**RaphaelS** : what the fuck guys  
  
_**RaphaelS** has left the conversation_

 **SimonL** : why does everyone always leave this gc

 **IzzyL** : yknow im just not gonna comment on that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify alec sent some n00dz
> 
> Did anyone catch the panic! at the disco reference tho
> 
> Twitter: @mattlightwd


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idk really

**AlecL** : yo so what are yall doing  
  
**SimonL** : your brother  
  
**ClaryF** : your sister  
  
**AlecL** : how inappropriate  
  
**MagnusBane** : babe you literally sent them nudes yesterday  
  
**AlecL** : it was AN ACCIDENT  
  
**AlecL** : they werent meant for them OBVIOUSLY  
  
**MagnusBane** : well i hope not  
  
**MagnusBane:** how about you come over? ;)  
  
**AlecL** : i cant, need to work on some papers..  
  
**MagnusBane** : oh, well then ill come to your office, Mr Lightwood ;)  
  
**AlecL** : who cares about papers anyway  
  
**AlecL** : see you in 10, Mr Bane ;)  
  
**LukeG** : are yall gonna have office sex  
  
**AlecL** : oh FUCK right this is the gc  
  
**AlecL** : i keep forgetting that  
  
**JaceH** : you guys are so gross  
  
**AlecL** : said the one who was fucking a vampire 2 minutes ago  
  
**JaceH** : nah still busy  
  
**AlecL** : nasty  
  
**JaceH** : at least i didnt send you my nudes  
  
**AlecL** : JACE GO DIE IN A HOLE  
  
**JaceH** : wow rude  
  
**JaceH** : who even added you to the gc anyway  
  
**AlecL** : magnus did  
  
**AlecL** : he missed me  
  
**IzzyL** : *tearing up* thats the cutest shit ive ever read  
  
**LukeG** : more like the gayest shit  
  
**SimonL** : speaking of gay  
  
**SimonL** : wheres my fiance  
  
**JaceH** : babe we aren't even engaged  
  
**SimonL** : so THATS what i forgot to ask you last night  
  
**JaceH** : oh you mean last night when we fucked  
  
**JaceH** : the same night you started laughing while i was giving you a blowjob

 **SimonL** : shhhshshsh shut UP  
  
**SimonL** : i got tagged in a meme ok  
  
**IzzyL** : what the fuck simon  
  
**AlecL** : see this is why nobody likes you  
  
**SimonL** : shouldnt you be in your office to get dicked down by a warlock  
  
**MagnusBane** : we were just about to start  
  
**IzzyL** : i wish i could just shove an entire hedgehog down my throat and let it destroy my lungs  
  
**ClaryF** : i  
  
**ClaryF** : why a hedgehog  
  
**IzzyL** : i have no clue really  
  
**IzzyL** : but does it matter  
  
**ClaryF** : uh  
  
**IzzyL** : were all gonna die anyway  
  
**ClaryF** : what an uplifting thought  
  
**IzzyL** : ikr  
  
**Alec** : yo fellas  
  
**AlecL** : i have an important question  
  
**AlecL** : is it gay to drink water

 **AlecL** : bcs our bodies are like 40% water  
  
**AlecL** : i mean youre literally consuming another man  
  
**ClaryF** : alec its 3 am  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really dont know what that ending was but oh whale
> 
> Twitter: @mattlightwd


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alec and clary got called straight

**ClaryF** : me and alec just had the worst experience of our LIFE  
  
**SimonL** : did someone tell you you look cute together again  
  
**ClaryF** : they told us we would have BEAUTIFUL BABIES  
  
**SimonL** : oh lord  
  
**AlecL** : it was an elderly couple tho  
  
**ClaryF** : still???  
  
**JaceH** : me and iz were there too it was so funny  
  
**JaceH** : alec and clary entered the store and they were all looking  
  
**JaceH** : then the elderly couple came and said the baby stuff  
  
**JaceH** : AND THEN CLARY JUST looked them dead in the eyes and said  
  
**JaceH** : "i play for the other team"  
  
**JaceH** : the old man seemed to get it but the lady was like???  
  
**JaceH** : "what team?"  
  
**JaceH** and i s2g like 10 people all turned around and screamed "WILDCATS"  
  
**JaceH** : including her husband  
  
**IzzyL** : it was priceless   
  
**AlecL** : why do people always mistake me for a heterostraight  
  
**ClaryF** : ^  
  
**AlecL** : i mean i literally sucked dick yesterday  
  
**MagnusBane** : its true it was my dick   
  
**Clary** : ALRIGHT GAYS  
  
**SimonL** : yo jace remember when some girls asked your phone number   
  
**SimonL** : and you just d e a d a s s started kissing me in front of them   
  
**ClaryF** : OMG IZZY or that one time you were wearing your iconic "BI, Bitch" shirt  
  
**ClaryF** : and that crusty white ass lady came up to you and told you to 'take it off because it wasnt appropriate'  
  
**ClaryF** : she literally took it off   
  
**ClaryF** : and was standing in nothing but her bra   
  
**IzzyL** : im so iconic  
  
**ClaryF** : you are indeed  
  
**ClaryF** : babe your body is a gift of god  
  
**IzzyL** : so is yours baby  
  
**ClaryF** : come overrrr  
  
**IzzyL** : already omw   
  
**ClaryF** : :)))))))   
  
**AlecL** : so now you all gonna be gross and have sex or what   
  
**IzzyL** : maybe  
  
**ClaryF** : surely  
  
**AlecL** : oh lord  
  
**AlecL** : izzy you are my SISTER i didnt need to know this  
  
**IzzyL** : and i didnt need to see your dick but we cant always have what we want   
  
**AlecL** : i wish i wasnt born   
  
**JaceH** : big mood  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'why do people always mistake me for an heterostraight' and 'i wish i wasnt born' are irl quotes
> 
>  
> 
> Twitter: @mattlightwd


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long im sorry

**MagnusBane** : okay WHAT HAPPENED   
  
**MagnusBane** : alec just came home laughing his ass off  
  
**MagnusBane** : is he on drugs or  
  
**JaceH** : ohmygod alec couldnt you have been  a bit more subtle  
  
**MagnusBane** : wait what happened???  
  
**AlecL** : nothing  
  
**JaceH** : clary tripped and fell in the parking lot  
  
**MagnusBane** : alec just fell to the floor   
  
**MagnusBane** : i cant with this man honestly   
  
**AlecL** : shut up you love me  
  
**MagnusBane** : i do babe but dont make fun the little girl   
  
**ClaryF** : did you just make fun of my height while  saying alec shouldnt make fun of me  
  
**MagnusBane** : not my smartest move   
  
**ClaryF** : at least i am small and easy to  cuddle!!!  
  
**AlecL** : at least i can reach the top shelf in the kicthen!!!!  
  
**ClaryF** : how is it up there?? not too cold????  
  
**AlecL** : nah its perfect!!!!  
  
**ClaryF** : yeah?? What can you see from up there then????  
  
**AlecL** : everyone's flaws  
  
**JaceH** : okay ENOUGH  
  
**JaceH** : alec dont be so mean and have a decent conversation   
  
**AlecL** : im sorry but i was never good at **_small_** talk  
  
**ClaryF** : i will snap your neck  
  
**AlecL** : can you even reach my neck   
  
**JaceH** : GUYS NO  
  
**JaceH** : also clary werent you at the hospital   
  
**ClaryF** : yeah need to  get my arm checked up because i fell on it really hard  
  
**AlecL** : ugh i hate hospitals   
  
**ClaryF** : yeah same   
  
**AlecL** : especially the needles w t f  
  
**ClaryF** : ME TOO THEY LOOK SO UGH  
  
**ClaryF** : i am always SO STRESSED  
  
**ClaryF** : i would NEVER want those things near  me  
  
**AlecL** : never?  
  
**ClaryF** : NEVER  
  
**ClaryF** : wait??? would you??  
  
**AlecL** : well tbh I'd let a needle near me if it was to inject that gay shit™ in me  
  
**ClaryF** : why are we friends again  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We end this fic with the iconic needle quote from the SH Addiction Therapy groupchat


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the squad throwing some shade at biphobes

**JaceH** : do i really need to tattoo bi on my forehead or   
  
**AlecL** : what  
  
**JaceH** : i just got stopped by my  
  
**JaceH** : *whispers*  
  
**JaceH** : ex-girlfriend   
  
**AlecL** : oh yikes  
  
**AlecL** : what happened  
  
**JaceH** : apparently she saw me kiss simon  
  
**JaceH** : she came  up to me and yelled   
  
**JaceH** : "wow thats why you broke up with me"  
  
**JaceH** : and i was like what no???  
  
**JaceH** : i broke up with you because you are a nasty ass hoe that cheated on me???  
  
**JaceH** : and she said "did he make you gay??"  
  
**AlecL** : oh lord no  
  
**JaceH** : i was FURIOUS   
  
**JaceH** : i was like bITCH he didnt make me anything   
  
**JaceH** : well he did make me horny but   
  
**JaceH** : anyway  
  
**JaceH** : i am bi !!!  
  
**JaceH** : and she said "no youre gay, you just kissed a boy"  
  
**JaceH** : and i said AGAIN that i was bi   
  
**JaceH** : she stared me in the eyes and said i wasnt a real homosexual   
  
**AlecL** : a real homosexual im dead   
  
**JaceH** : she said i was a 'half straight'  
  
**AlecL** : WHAt  
  
**JaceH** : like bitch i dont need your straightness get it away from me pls  
  
**JaceH** : honestly what do people think the B in LGBTQ+ stands for???  
  
**AlecL** : bananas?  
  
**ClaryF** : boobs?  
  
**IzzyL** : blowjobs?  
  
**MagnusBane** : bread?  
  
**SimonL** : babadook.  
  
**JaceH** : well then  
  
**JaceH** : from now on, im the babadook  
  
**IzzyL** : can i be boobs then?   
  
**ClaryF** : sure babe  
  
**MagnusBane** : can i be blowjobs?  
  
**AlecL** : sure babe   
  
**MaiaR** : WHY am i in this groupchat   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY FOR NOT POSTING ANYTHING FOR A MONTH and im sorry that this chapter is so short
> 
>  
> 
> Twitter: @mattlightwd


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk about sex, the usual lol

**LukeG** : yall  
  
**JaceH** : luke my man   
  
**LukeG** : how are yall doin  
  
**JaceH** : im good  
  
**ClaryF** : im fine  
  
**IzzyL** : im okay   
  
**AlecL** : im gay  
  
**SimonL** : im dead   
  
**RaphaelS** : me too  
  
**LukeG** : what the fuck is this gc  
  
**JaceH** : honestly nobody knows   
  
**ClaryF** : true its just one giant gay mess in here  
  
**IzzyL** : i can confirm  
  
**IzzyL** : also where the hell is magnus  
  
**IzzyL** : i need to tell him some shit   
  
**JaceH** : no idea  
  
**JaceH** : lets call him  
  
**AlecL** : LeTs nOT   
  
**JaceH** : ???  
  
**AlecL** : hEs kiNDa bUsY   
  
**JaceH** : with what???  
  
**AlecL** : uHM   
  
**JaceH** : oh my god you guys are the WORST   
  
**AlecL** : were not   
  
**JaceH** : uh yes u are so nasty   
  
**AlecL** : says the _fucker_ i heard getting _fucked_ yesterday   
  
**JaceH** : you were hOME?????

**JaceH** : why is fucked underlined

**AlecL** : yeah i was but honestly i think the entire population of new york heard u

**AlecL** : & its for _emphasis_

**JaceH** : fuxjxjxnx  
  
**AlecL** : a daddy kink, seriously?  
  
**JaceH** : ALEC STOP THIS IS EMBARASSING  
  
**AlecL** : well not for me   
  
**AlecL** : but really jace a daddy kink  
  
**MagnusBane** : oh dont act all innocent now my dear alexander ;)  
  
**AlecL** : MAGNUS SHUT YOUR MOUTH   
  
**JaceH** : oh wow   
  
**JaceH** : alec ur plan of making fun of me backfired completely   
  
**AlecL** : im gonna commit suicide see you all  
  
**JaceH** : good  
  
**MagnusBane** : no babe come back to bed i hadnt finished yet :(  
  
**JaceH** : ew sex again  
  
**IzzyL** : yeah i mean sex is great and all but have you ever had that amazing feeling where you are just extremely happy and nothing can ruin your day??  
  
**ClaryF** : uh  
  
**SimonL** : no?¿  
  
**JaceH** : whomst the fucc   
  
**IzzyL** : yeah me neither   
  
**JaceH** : this gc only talks about sad shit and gay stuff nowadays   
  
**LukeG** : Depression and Dicks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry this took so long but i had some chapters saved in my notes and then my phone crashed so they were all deleted. Also school has been terrible so i had lots of homework. I am uploading this messy/short one now because im in the middle of exams. After them ill post more again! Hmu, @mattlightwd on twitter


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secks.

**JaceH** : SOOOO  
  
**ClaryF** : shut the fuck up  
  
**JaceH** : wow someone's in a great mood   
  
**ClaryF** : i am HUNGOVER   
  
**IzzyL** : you were so drunk   
  
**ClaryF** : shut UP   
  
**IzzyL** : she had like so much  
  
**IzzyL** : i stopped counting after 10 shots of vodka  
  
**SimonL** : i have the pics   
  
**JaceH** : wait why wasn't i invited  
  
**IzzyL** :  ehh  
  
**SimonL** : last time you joined us we got arrested  
  
**SimonL** : you called a cop a "lonely loser whose wife probably left him because he was shit in bed"   
  
**SimonL** : he started cryING   
  
**SimonL** : and yeah another cop handcuffed u and also took all of us to the JAIL   
  
**JaceH** : no need to repeat that i am aware of what happened   
  
**SimonL** : so thats why you weren't invited im sorry love  
  
**JaceH** : i hate you  
  
**SimonL** : oh but i was just gonna suck your dick :/  
  
**JaceH** : i love you so much youre my one and only   
  
**SimonL** : (;  
  
**AlecL** : this ends NOW   
  
**AlecL** : y'all disgusting AS FUCK  
  
**IzzyL** : wow someone didnt get the d last night  
  
**MagnusB** : incorrect   
  
**MagnusB** : he got it twice  
  
**AlecL** : MAGNUS SHUT UPSNDD  
  
**IzzyL** : oh wow okay interestiNg   
  
**AlecL** : why do you ALWAYS expose our secks life like this????  
  
**MagnusB** : secks  
  
**IzzyL** : secks  
  
**JaceH** : secks  
  
**SimonL** : secks  
  
**ClaryF** : secks  
  
**RaphaelS** : sax  
  
**IzzyL** : ^ i thought u left   
  
**RaphaelS** has left the conversation.  
  
**IzzyL** : wtf  
  
**MagnusBane** : but like i may be exposing our sex life but at least i didnt send an entire group chat a dick pick   
  
**AlecL** : when will this end  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I don't know if anyone actually still reads this, but if you do: thanks for the support:) I wanna wish you all a happy 2018 and hopefully this year won't be as shitty as the previous one... 
> 
> I hope u enjoyed this chapter! 
> 
> Hmu on Twitter: @mattlightwd


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang talks about Friends

**JaceH** : y'allllllllll  
  
**AlecL** : can u NEVER stop  
  
**JaceH** : dude calm  
  
**AlecL** : ITS 4 AM WHY ARE YOU EVEN UP  
  
**JaceH** : no reason  
  
**AlecL** : hm  
  
**JaceH** : ok im binge watching friends for the 5th time  
  
**ClaryF** : a whole ass mood  
  
**JaceH** : BUT IT IS SO AMAZING OKAY  
  
**IzzyL** : I KNOW  
  
**JaceH** : ^ u sound like monica now  
  
**IzzyL** : i love mon  
  
**ClaryF** : same but phoebe!!!!  
  
**MaiaR** : and rachel! Needs to be protected at all costs so precious  
  
**IzzyL** : same  
  
**JaceH** : i love that chanoey dynamic tho  
  
**SimonL** : lowkey shipping that tbh  
  
**JaceH** : lowkey???????????

 **Simon** : jk i write fanfics about them

  
**Raphael** : okay but like  
  
**RaphaelS** : R O S S  
  
**AlecL** : uhM  
  
**RaphaelS** : tbh ross > joey+chandler combined  
  
**AlecL** : BITHC WHTA TEH FUKC  
  
**AlecL** has removed RaphaelS from the conversation  
  
**JaceH** : a m o o d  
  
**JaceH** : but honestly tho they shouldve made someone gay on friends

 **IzzyL** : tbh joey was bi and you can't convince me otherwise!!! 

 **JaceH** : i like that 

 **JaceH** : chandler was too i mean cmon

 **AlecL** : true 

 **AlecL** : apart from the sexuality, i feel like me and chandler have a lot in common

 **JaceH** : like?

 **AlecL** : were both awkward as fuck and would rather die than talk to people 

 **AlecL** : and i too am not great at the advice, but i sure as hell would start the sarcastic comments in the blink of an eye when uncomfortable 

 **AlecL** : which is most of the time

 **AlecL** : wow my life is sad

 **JaceH** : me

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! You probably all hate me by now, but i am SO SORRY for not updating in months... school just got me so busy and also this chapter is rly short but i just wanted to post something
> 
> How are yall btw


End file.
